One of the biggest compliments anyone will ever give you, one of the biggest declarations of hope about who you are and indicators of the need that all of us have for connection, is the moment someone else places their trust in you. Leaning on you, opening up to you, sharing with you, asking for your advice. These are all undeniable statements about your worth to someone else in this world.
Like so many other moments in life, we as creatures have an ironic ability to miss the obvious good right in front of us as we search for something else. We dream about relaxing vacations, but have never had a lazy picnic at our local park. We believe all our problems will be solved with the next raise, but fail to recognize how much we already have and don’t use. We tell ourselves stories about being all alone in this world, but ignore the fact that we are someone’s safe person, who they choose to share their deepest and darkest with.
One of the great challenges in life is to bloom where you’re planted. One of the great joys in life is to realize where you’re planted is exactly where you’re supposed to be. It’s no different with friendships in our world. We have relationships and crowds we long to be part of, but fail to fully appreciate that we are already that missing link for someone else. What would our lives look like relationally if we stopped longing for something more and turned around to embrace what is standing right next to us?
Loving The Ones You’re With: Taking the First Step
Everyone important, enjoyable, desirable and fun in your life will eventually bug the daylights out of you. That’s part of the gig with relationships. The very things that attracted us to friendship or marriage in the first place become the very things that rub us the most raw over time. Being happy in your relationships is not about continuing your search for someone with less annoying traits. It’s about seeing the one universal trait that takes the edge off all the others.
The truth is, they like you. They want to trust you. They want to confide in you and grow with you. Heck, 95 percent of their complaints about the relationship are at their core, simply pointing out to you that they’re not getting enough of the good things they’ve identified in you. They want seconds. They want more of you.
The moment we stop and allow ourselves to experience gratitude for the fact that people in our life, even if they’re not of our choosing, need us right now, is the moment we start seeing the world around us with new eyes. More importantly, the moment we thank them for choosing us, for wanting to make us their safe person, is a moment where we create intimacy or a vulnerable connection with another human.
So, think back over the last month or two. Think about, with all the craziness in the world today, who recently shared their fears, hopes or needs with you. Soak in that precarious moment right before they told you and were wondering how you’d react. Celebrate that moment after they opened up, when they were so glad that they did and maybe even told you how much your friendship meant.
Go thank that person right now for trusting you. Text them and tell them that it means the world that they would confide in you. Tag them in the comments of this post and remind them that you’re honored to be their friend.
And with that, the world just became a little better place.